Perception

Jan Karon writes about Father Timothy Kavanaugh and his wife Cynthia in the The Mitford Series books. In the books are times when Cynthia states what she likes and Father Tim will say “What don’t you like Mrs. Kavanaugh?” Cynthia will then start a list of things she doesn’t like: flies during picnics, cold bathroom floors, impatient people, and knee-jerk reactions, (oh boy can I be guilty of those). (I made these up as I couldn’t find a quote of one of her lists and I’ve always wanted to list my own.) The lists are always simple, they are always different and she’s able to rattle them off. (Of course she is, it’s a book. But she gives the impression she knows exactly what she likes and what she doesn’t like and she can tell you right off. I admire this ability.)

I’d have to say for me, other one of the things I would list would be “holding a misperception about a person or experience”. This is a personality trait I believe we ALL share. Those of us conscious about it try not to, but still will. It’s also the easy thing to do, instead of finding out about the other person. Many times I’ve not liked someone because I held a misperception of why they behaved, or treated me, a certain way. And how wrong I have found out I have been. Usually that person is carrying a cross they haven’t revealed and it’s a heavy one.

A while ago I watched a movie with my daughter about a preacher and his wife. During one scene new neighbors were moving in across the street. As they both peered through the curtains to see who had moved in, they both were commenting on who they hoped the neighbors were not. The preacher said, “Why don’t you go over and meet them and invite them to church?” “I’ll make a pie this afternoon to take over,” said his dutiful wife. As she left the house to take the pie over, a man drove into the new neighbor’s driveway. When he got out of the car he was embraced and kissed on the cheek by the man moving into the house. There was also a boy on a bicycle in the front yard. The preachers wife saw this exchange and turned on her heel and went right back into the house. Later at dinner, she conveyed the exchange to her husband who then said “Why don’t you wait to invite them to church. We’ll see if they just show up.” You can imagine they thought the men were a gay couple.

A few days go by and she meets the boy outside. She asks about his daddy and then asks where is his mommy? The next scene shows her meeting, talking and laughing with the two men and boy in their driveway. Her husband is home watching through the curtains. She’s asked immediately when she arrives home what she’s learned. Apparently, the man is a widower and the other man is the brother of his wife. The preacher says “Did you invite them to church?” And she says “No, but I will when I bring a pie over.”

This got me thinking to the number of times I placed my own opinion and attitude onto someone before getting to know them and turned on my heel and headed back into my “safe house” (guarding my heart) with “my pie” (Jesus’ love) . Placing my will of judgement based on how the person looked at me, or behaved in a given situation, instead of trusting God to reveal to me who the person really is. When I have learned more about a person, then usually I’ve come to find out the person is just like me, needing, craving, desiring the love of our Lord who wants to love me and them beyond my imagination.

This is when prayer should kick in!